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My husband and I are two very different people. We have different temperaments, talents, personalities and sometimes we feel completely opposite. Recently we had an argument that got heated. We know that conflict is a normal part of any marriage and we want to work through things better and smarter.
In marriage, there will likely be two opinions, two perspectives, two realities, and two desires. Often in a relationship there will be things that you simply don’t agree on. Acknowledging this, that conflict is simply differences in ideas and thoughts, we have been working to better handle our disagreements. I am interested in strengthening my marriage and allowing myself and my spouse the capacity to be our true selves.
Steps for healing
After our most recent disagreement, I remembered an episode from one of my favorite podcasts, 3in30. The episode was called “How to repair after a fight with your partner”. There is a couple, Jocelyn and Aaron Freeman, featured on the episode who work through marriage advice and coach partners to have better relationships. They offered 5 R’s for conflict resolution and I wanted to share those here.
Reflect – Ask for a pause and take some time away to cool down. Set a time that you agree to come back to talk.
Responsibility – While apart, identify the cause of the argument, think about your role. Was there an unmet expectation or assumption?
Reconnect – Talk about the conflict and take responsibility for your actions and reactions. Then listen and allow your partner to do the same.
Remind – Remember your commitments to each other. Create some agreements for times of conflict. Ex. No yelling, no name calling.
Reconcile – Think together about something you have learned from this conflict. Let go and move forward, recommitted to do better.
Each step works through some important processes of growing and strengthening your understanding of your partner. Which in turn, allows you to grow with your partner instead of away from them.
Allow time for growth
My husband and I are working through these steps and learning how to make them a natural way to approach conflicts in our marriage. We are at a point where we both have some life goals and ambitions that we need support from each other with in order to be successful. There is such a great power of unity that comes from supporting your spouse. I have felt it in my husbands support for me with sharing my experiences here on this blog and it means the world to me. I hope I reciprocate that feeling to him as well.
One thing we love to think about right now in our marriage conflict is how we are a team. We are not battling each other but against a situation. When a problem arises, we can think about how we may be upset with the situation but not with each other. It allows us to stay more connected as we both want a good resolution, instead of feeling like we are fighting against each other.
Listen to the podcast episode from The Freeman’s on 3in30 here.
And if you are looking for another way to learn more about your spouse or someone important in your life, check out my post here on personality types and why I love them so much!
I hope you find freedom in resolving marriage conflicts, or any conflict, in your life and the peace it brings. There is so much love to feel when we can forgive and trust in each other. What is one of your favorite ways to connect with your partner, especially after an argument?